Tags
bad dates, dating, dating and relationships, first dates, funny, funny dates, funny experiences, relationships, sarcasm, sarcastic
Hello Mr. Bad Date,
I’ve met you only once, but even to this day, I still remember the hopelessly bad blind date we had. When you asked me out, I decided to give you a chance… but boy were you a strange one. It was nice that you came to pick me up in your convertible, where you were concerned enough about my hair getting messy to ask if I would prefer the hood up or down.
How thoughtful you were to ask.
Instead of taking me to a conventional Starbucks, you expressed how much you enjoyed bubble tea, so we went to the only bubble tea place downtown to have a drink. I have to admit, you were odd. You were odd in the way you dressed, odd in the way you tried to impress me, and odd in the things you chose to talk about.
Let’s start with why the date failed:
If what you wore was your best outfit for a date, I would hate to imagine what you wear on your regular days. You showed up in a Hugo Boss sportswear shirt that looked more like a cheap dri-fit. I was quite confused if we were going to visit the gym together afterwards because you also wore track pants, but then you paired that up with sandals. Confusing indeed. I have to commend you on your choice of jewellery though. Maybe you wanted me to show me you were rich, because you had a lot more jewellery on than I did, and I’m the girl. From your bling sunglasses on your forehead and diamond studs, to the gold chain necklace and thick metal ring – I do admit, I was distracted because it was JUST… SO… SHINY.
Besides feeling a little out of place in the corner of the quiet and quaint bubble tea place, you started to talk about yourself. You actually spent more time talking about yourself than asking me to talk about myself. Maybe you wanted to see if I was a good listener? Despite listening more than half the time, the things I had to listen to were interesting in an “acquired taste” sort of way.
First, you tried to impress me with your “business,” which wasn’t very impressive. You talked about how you’re rebuilding your house and how expensive it is because you have to pay the builders $500 a day – you even calculated how many days it would take till completion multiplied by $500 just to show me how much free cash you had. Then you even whipped out your iPhone with the waterproof case (with that much money, I didn’t think you needed a waterproof case – if you damage your phone, you can just buy a new one right?) to show me which stock you bought and how you wished you had sold it a few days ago. I didn’t know much about stocks at that time, but looking at the downward slope of the graph, I didn’t think you were doing so well with that one.
I learned a LOT about you. You were so in love with Tupac and all your East coast versus West coast that I actually could not follow. Ahh… now I see why you had the gold chain on. I know you love to show me things on your phone because you whipped it out again to show me how meaningful and real Tupac’s lyrics were versus all the angry shit that other rappers rapped about nowadays.
Then, this is when things got WEIRD. You started talking about Free Masons, and how everything happening around the world is a conspiracy. You even found Youtube videos for me right on the spot to show me how everything was a scam, going as far as to find me what you claim was a “legit” source of information where the scams were reported on the news channel. Oh yes, how reliable the news are. It’s understandable if you were telling me these things because you saw it mentioned somewhere, but no, I was shocked to learn you were OBSESSED with researching about them! And needless to say, THAT was when our date ended.
To be honest, I think you had really good intentions. No doubt about it. You wanted to show me you had edge, what with your ride and your strange taste in clothing; you wanted to show me you could lead a conversation by giving me limited opportunity to speak; you wanted to blind me with your wealth through your Bling; you wanted to show me the wisdom of the world with Tupac’s words; and you wanted to give me a sense of danger like the vibe bad boys give off (because girls just LOVE bad men) with sharing info regarding the corruption of the world.
You know, I GET it. And I played it cool. I stuck with it for the hour that we were together because I was too nice at that time to escape (the place was too empty to make a clean escape) or to tell you I had enough. What I am sure about though, is that if I saw you again, I would make a run for it, and you wouldn’t be able to catch me because you are probably still wearing man sandals.
Cheers to not meeting again,
~A