Tags
date, dating, datingproblems, datingquestions, douchebag, firstdates, firstlove, loveproblems, relationships, smoothtalker
I recently met a guy through online dating who seemed so very sweet. He was tall, smart, and had a great sense of style. He wasn’t afraid to tell me how much he is interested in me or how much he wanted to see me. In fact, he texted me everyday asking if he could come visit me at work, or if I would come and meet him for a short time (and no, he wasn’t suggesting I meet him at his place or mine). I was smart enough to refrain from telling him my work location, but that didn’t stop him from asking to visit me at work every time I mentioned I am at work. From my previous experiences with dating, I found this guy a little unsettling because I’ve actually only known him for a week and half, and we’ve only met up three times, but he seemed way too interested in me to be true. I certainly don’t doubt my own attractiveness, but it seemed he wanted to move things along at a speed I didn’t recognize.
The first time I met him was over coffee, where he arrived half an hour late and I learned that he was just a student and had to take public transit to get to the coffee house. To make it up to me, he told me he would take me out for dinner and a night of karaoke because he actually sings quite well.
So, I let him take me out on a surprise date on a foggy Sunday night, and we went for dinner, dessert, and then karaoke. I was surprised when he took my hand after we finished dinner because no one has been ever so bold to do that on previous dates (I guess I generally give off a vibe that I get ticked off easily if you do something I don’t like). I let it slide, but I wasn’t completely comfortable with this guy who is technically a stranger get so close. So off we go to the karaoke place, which I knew to be a safe and legit place. It was also a little empty considering it was a Sunday night, but regardless of that, we had a great time singing together. When he put his hand on my thigh a few times, it did cause me to raise my eyebrows at him.
I told him I think things are moving too fast and that I want things to move slower and he said sure, babe.
After that, he told me day after day how much he missed me, and that he wanted to see me, even if it was to accompany me home from work. Despite the weirdness of him calling me “Baby, honey, and babe,” already, I did find him a little endearing, but I wasn’t convinced he was being real. It is my responsibility to pace the relationship, as I feel that this is extremely important in being able to tell how sincere he is about me. I didn’t agree to see him everyday, but I still continued to text to try to get to know him a little better. I noticed that he would always express that he wanted to see me, but he would never really ask me about myself, such as my likes and dislikes, or what I’m interested in, or even to find a common interest between the two of us. When I would say I wanted to try this or that, he would respond by saying, “Sure, we can do anything as long as I can be with you.”
A few days ago, I caught a bad cold and I had to stay at the office quite late to finish some paperwork as a favour to my boss. Around 10:30pm, Smooth Talker (my date) texts me and says, “Baby, I miss you. Come see me.”
I respond, “It’s quite late..” (and I was feeling quite unwell and I had mentioned quite a few times I had a cold)
Smooth Talker responds with, “It won’t take long, we can go somewhere close to your place.” I ignore him that night due to his inconsideration.
The next day, Smooth Talker tried to ask me out again. I rejected his last minute request, but agreed to go running with him at a local park in order to train for a marathon I was going to run. Smooth Talker agrees immediately, but he wanted me to meet him at the location he usually starts to run at, which is an area of the park I am unfamiliar with. I explain to him that I am coming from the north direction and that I would like to start running from there. It was a battle. He wouldn’t yield to me, and I certainly wasn’t going to meet him at a location I’m not familiar with!
What surprised me was when he accused me of not showing enough affection.
Fair enough. I didn’t have much affection to show him because I didn’t know him well enough to fall for him. Maybe he thought a week and a half was enough to charm me with his sweet words, but I am not so naive. Dating is a period where you try to build a foundation, and to see if you both have similar values and goals before you proceed. I admit I am attracted initially to how a guy looks like, but what really makes me fall is someone that have characteristics that I like. Smooth Talker hasn’t shown me any characteristics in the short time we’ve known each other for me to like him enough to show him the affection he craves, yet, he expects me to call him Baby, and pine for him the way he says he does for me. I know for a fact that there are LOTS of girls who would fall for someone like him. He can charm your socks off (or your underclothes perhaps).
He flatters you like crazy, and if you don’t have much self-esteem, you could easily be swept away, especially when you think, “It’s hard to find someone who likes me that much that he wants to see me everyday! And he’s good looking too!”
The trouble is, people like him, Fast-Forwarders (I researched this last night), may be swept up by you quite easily too, but what starts fast, ends fast.
If you haven’t built up a good foundation, and you are already committing to someone, giving him your time, your emotions, or even sex, the relationship can come undone EXTREMELY fast.
By the time he starts to go cold, you may be in too deep and get hurt. I’d rather save myself from that bullet in the head, thank you very much. ~